Just as Father had promised, he went to see me this morning. He was in a much better mood than last night and forgave me. He also tried...well, I'm not exactly sure what he was doing, just that he made me feel things I had never felt before. Father said it was what I made him, and while it did feel pleasant...it started to hurt after awhile. That's when Father left me, saying I could go out.

I've already made up my mind to continue seeing my friend and just make sure Father does not get wind of it. I really want to see him again, in all honesty, but I'm not so foolish as to go looking for him the day after being forbidden to do so!! 

But that's exactly what happened. My fellow heretic and I ran into each other near the kitchens. I brought him to my room, knowing that would be the last place my guards would be looking for me. He got upset when I told him I couldn't be seen with him, so I kissed him. I love him. Not like how I love Father, I love Father above everyone else in Heaven, but I love him. I didn't want him upset.

He gave me a new wreathe of flowers. I'm keeping it with the old one Father had destroyed last night. My friend had seen those, but he didn't get mad at me. Afterwards, we went outside to the courtyard and climbed the forbidden peach trees. I'm worried for my friend. He told me he had eaten some of the peaches. But he seemed okay to me, so I guess everything is okay.

We saw another heretic in the training fields today. I don't know him. My friend wanted to go meet with him, but remembered that he had to meet someone for lunch. So I let him leave. I think he was heading for the market, and I couldn't be seen there again. Definitely not with him.

When I got back to my quarters...my guards were waiting.


I don't really remember much. It's all...blurry. I know it was an unpleasant experience though, very unpleasant. I think I even drew my sword. But, I ended up making a new...well, I want to call him friend. His name is Zenon and he's a soldier. He was really nice. He comforted me and promised to check up on my friend.

I hope he's ok...

I'm so tired. I think I'll go to sleep.

The guards had locked me up. I wonder if they had gotten permission from my father to do this. I know they wouldn't have the guts to do so otherwise. Although...maybe. They've already realized my weakness. It's annoying. They now use father's name to get me to obey them. As if they now hold power over me as well. Of course not, father is the only one I obey and love, but if father suspects anything of the sort...well, they could kiss their jobs good-bye. 

That is, of course, if father finds out. He is usually too busy these days, earning more and more of the emperor's trust on his own, with my achievements as his spring-board. I'm not afraid...not really. If I do everything father tells me to do, he won't throw me away. Father needs me and if I obey everything he says, then he'll always keep me by his side.

Just a few hours ago, I was at the market with that guy. He's someone around my age I met a few days ago, while hiding away after that prank I pulled on the emperor (palace ink is the best, the marks on his face are still a bit visible). He didn't look at me with respect or fear, so my guess is he doesn't know me. I've never seen him before either...he's really a funny guy. Too bad we couldn't spend much time together, because the servants saw me and brouhght me back to the palace.

But I saw him again earlier! And then this man he must know, an adult with dark hair and a pair of glasses, invited us to have a picnic with him! We went to the market and the man let us pick everything we wanted. It was so much fun! Food is always served here in the palace and I never get to pick what I want to eat. Hmm...not that I can pick very well. The market is a colorful place and there are a lot of kinds of food I have never seen before. My friend knew many of them and which of them tastes the best, he's so great! 

But...I didn't get to go the picnic or eat the food we picked for it. The guards caught me. And they...they used father's name. I couldn't do anything but let them lead me away. I couldn't even say good-bye to him, or thank the adult with him, or reply when he called out my name. I'm so sorry for leaving him like that. I want to see him again. I wish I can see him again.

So, the guards took me away from the market and brought me back here to the palace. The servant-girls fed me some of my favorite snacks...but they don't taste half as good as that guy let me taste. Then the guards took me to my room and...well, here I am locked up.

I don't know when they're going to let me out. Saa...I don't really care, I guess.